How to ask for help when life is overwhelming

Asking for help can feel like a daunting task, especially when life is overwhelming. Why is it that it is so hard to ask? Why does this feel like such a daunting task?

I don't know about you, but I don't often want to ask for help. I don't want to burden or bother my people, I used to tell myself. "Get it together, you can do this, you don't need help." Is this your inner dialogue too?

The dandelions have taken over one of our flower beds, and quite honestly it has made me sad. The roses are in full bloom, showing off their magnificence and I'm doing my best to enjoy their beauty while also working towards cleaning up the surrounding beds even as my back is still healing. The process is slow. Since finding out I have some curving of my lower spine I now understand I need to be more gentle with my body as it continues to heal from my last pregnancy. Not being able to move very well was very difficult and painful. I couldn't even put on my shoes without excruciating pain. I have been working alongside the chiropractor for about a month. The relief I have experienced has been incredible. I truly am very thankful, but needing to ask for assistance is humbling. It is not only children who were made to be dependent on their parents.

Why do we need to ask for help?

We allow others to come alongside and serve us in our time of need. I have spent the last almost two decades of my life loving and serving people to the best of my ability. The Lord has surrounded me with a beautiful community of friends and family who genuinely love me and want. I to come alongside me in my time of need.

Many of us live a fast paced life, this doesn't always leave room for us to stop and observe. I have prayed so many times for my children to be able to walk into a space and read the room. For them to lean in and ask of The Lord, what is needed here? Is there a sink full of dishes, a pile of dirty laundry, trash that needs to be taken out? Does this person need a hug, a friendly smile? I want us to act without having someone to tell us what needs to be done. This requires training and for some of us, who grew up with an "I can do it all" mentality, requiring help is difficult.

For others if you grew up reading your bible, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." I believe these words fully. So much so that at times I have neglected to receive the aid that was being given to me because I believed The Lord Himself would be my help as He said He would, but I failed to acknowledge that often times The Lord works through His people.

It's time we walk in humility.

Asking for help requires vulnerability and to trust that God will bring relief. Do we trust that He will? Because if we don't, then we can fall into patterns of believing we are all alone, that no one cares, so instead of asking for support we grow bitter and angry. Or we may ask for help and may be met with resistance so we harden our hearts and swear, "I'll never ask again." But this is not the way.

Over the last several months I have sent out many desperate cries for help. One day I was having an exceptionally difficult time with one of my children, and I cried out in agony, "Oh LORD, please help me!" Immediately, my two older children ran down the stairs to see what was the matter. So challenging has been our life the last several months that I have needed to ask for it a lot. There was no choice. There is something beautiful that happens inside of us when we ask for help. Not only is it humbling to admit we can't do it all, but it is also sacred unto The Lord. The whole of our existence in Christ is that we cannot save ourselves. We cannot graft ourselves into the eternal promise of Jesus Christ, we needed and still need a Savior. Jesus Christ is not the A-C of Christianity, He is the A-Z, The Alpha and Omega, The beginning and The End. He is teaching us how to be more like His Son. How to fully rely on Him, His Spirit.

My hope for us is to fully receive the help The Lord has for us, He tells us in Matthew 7:7-8

⁷ “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ⁸ For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Are we fully taking advantage of this beautiful gift God has given us? Do we believe the counsel of Gods Word? Sister, The Lord wants to help us. He doesn't want us to white knuckle this life and try to figure it out on our own. He wants to be our help. Will we let Him?

God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in time of need. Psalms 46:1

What happens when He meets a different need?

Will we give thanks? Will we be grateful He has met the need He saw more pressing than the one we had our eyes fixed on?

Sometimes we're so focused on the need that has yet to be met that we miss God's mercy that is present here now. His goodness that is here today.

The stench of the carpet reached my nostrils. A foul smell. I had meant to clean it up, but my family has to eat and I have to rest. Having to use the deep cleaner is such an ordeal. Not only is it loud, it also leaves the floor very wet. I usually have to wait until the evening to use it. By then, I am wiped out, ready for bed. Especially if one of the children has had an exceptionally difficult day, which has been the case for the past several weeks. Walking through grief is painful. It doesn't just affect you. It affects everyone in your home. We all deal with hardships and loss differently. It is so important we learn to extend grace to our people, and to remember they are hurting too. We are in this together.

I sat down to pay our electric bill. I noticed it was very high. I mean, it has been high but not like this. I wondered, "did I forget to pay the bill?" Sure enough, I had. We updated our phones recently and this means, new passwords, as a person who tends to follow the rules, I have many a password saved in my brain. Face ID has been a brilliant invention, especially on days when the brain has dealt with much. Well, my face ID had not been set, and now I had to make a password. No big deal right? Except that I am too exhausted to wake up before my kids, and too wiped out at the end of the day to do it. So I forgot, again. I sat down to pay another bill, a different day and remembered, I had not yet paid our electric bill. As I sat waiting for the email from them, the smell of the carpet became stronger and stronger. "Lord please help me clean this carpet, Lord please send help."

I got a message from my husband he would be picking up our grocery order, because apparently, yes, I forgot to order those too. or maybe my people just ate through it quicker than we usually do? I had wondered why the toilet paper had seemed low. In any size household it's important we have rhythms to help us through our days and having a very large household, 10+ especially requires a lot of mental energy to stay on top of things.

Please do not believe the lie that YOU can do it all, on your own, with no help! Yes, you can do so many things, but not always at the same time, or in the same season. I wrote a little more on knowing our season in this post, because I truly believe some of the anxiety we are dealing with is because we are demanding too much of ourselves.

Even these incredible business women, Boss Babes as they call themselves on Instagram are receiving a lot of help. From sourcing out, a Nanny, a cook, to hiring lawn people like we are to deal with the weeds. People are just not doing everything themselves like they appear to. I don't believe it is helpful for you to think that I am doing it all. My Mama lives with us. This precious woman helps us with so many of our household tasks. Our bathrooms would be an absolute nightmare were it not for her help. Especially in this season of walking through so much loss. I want you to know this because I don't ever want you to feel like you are failing or alone. My Mama serves as a second brain to me when I am struggling and forget to take out the frozen meat. Many times she has already done it for me.

Sister, I am holding on to these truths myself.

I finished reading the text from my husband, his boss sent a message to his co-workers, letting them know his Mama had passed away. One of them was sending us dinner tonight!

Instant tears. Gratitude filled my heart. Do I want to walk through grief? No. Do I enjoy having a difficult time? No. Do I even want to admit that I am weak and in need? Absolutely not. I don't believe it is in our human nature to want to be dependent on anyone. Many of us truly struggle with this. But there is nothing like seeing God meet our very real needs. It is in our weakness that Gods power is made manifest in us! Not in our strength, not in our ability to grab life by the boot straps. It is in our weakness. In our inability to hold ourselves together.

Our teenage boy walks into the room asking for food and my brain is too tired to even wonder what I have prepared, and didn't I just feed y'all? But God wanted to meet our needs. He wanted to show us the depths of His love, His very real and tangible love through food. Food not prepared by me.

There is so much beauty in this place of need. Do not despise it.

Please keep crying out to God, He will come alongside of us. He knows exactly what we need, and He will provide, even when we don't know how, or when. He will see us through.

I wonder, do you have people in your life whom you can trust to come alongside you in your time of need? I wrote a few weeks back on friendships, I want to share this with you, because The Lord in His mercy has given us friends and if you don't have friends, a people you can call in your time of need then life will be more painful, more difficult than it needs to be. We were not mean to carry the weight of today on our own. The sooner we recognize this, the sooner we can experience the beauty The Lord has for us.

So, how do we ask for help?

1. Be as clear as you can with what you need. (I understand we don't always know what we need, in this post I share practical tips for how your friends can help)

When people ask you how you're doing, and how they can best serve you, even if they are not a close friend, do not shy away from saying, "Yes, actually, a meal would be wonderful right now, I could really use a friend. I would love a chai.". If they are asking you, take them up on it, and if by chance their life gets very busy and they can't meet the need after all, thank them anyway and trust alongside me that God will send us exactly what we need.

2. Swallow your pride.

This is not the time to be prideful. We need help, remember? Please be truthful and take them up on their offer. There is a sobering scripture that comes to mind, "Pride comes before destruction, and an arrogant spirit before a fall." Let us be women who are diligent to walk in humility. Imitating Christ, walking as He walked. While in the Garden, in His last moments, in His despair He cried out to God. He received Gods tangible comfort in the form of an Angel who came to minister to Him. Ultimately His desire was for His Father to be glorified. For Gods will to be done, not His. Because of His sacrifice you and I don't have to walk life alone. We don't have to have it all figured out. We can rely on our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who understands our suffering, our struggles and challenges.

A dear friend of mine recently texted me, "Let me know what you need from me. I can help you if you need anything?" I wanted to say, "please just pray." and often times this is what I say, because prayer is powerful. But her carrot cake is amazing!!! My children love her carrot cake and I know that she truly meant what she said, even as her own household was recovering from illness. We also miss our dear friend Dana who would randomly bring us desserts. She would text, "on the way with a porch drop off BLESSING".

I still can't believe she's gone. She was the friend that made me brave!

Asking for help will take courage. Be brave.

Yessi Argabright

When I was in my third trimester with our fourth darling my ceiling fans were exceptionally filthy. Please don't ask me why this was such a huge deal, but it caused me some anxiety y'all and my husband just didn't understand why I was making such a big deal out of some dust. I cried out to God for help. Later that week, this new to me friend, Dana, reached out, asked how I was doing and then proceeded to ask me what I needed.

Honestly, I said, "Oh, nothing", but the ceiling fans came to mind. Remember we weren't good friends. The more we texted, the more I felt like I needed to tell her about the ceiling fans. I finally broke and told her. She laughed and said, "The Lord told me you needed help, I'll be there later this week to clean those for you." I was so embarrassed, but she reassured me and laughed and said, "Did you want Jesus to come and clean your fans? He is sending me!"

That Thanksgiving the turkey would leak and make a massive mess inside of the oven. Even further along, the thought of cleaning the oven made me want to cry. Every time we'd go to use the oven it would start to smoke, stinking up our home. Once again Dana came over and cleaned it out for me. Her friendship and easy going way made me feel safe and comfortable. The Lord did care.

3. Give thanks always.

There is something sacred and beautiful about giving thanks even when we find ourselves in difficult situations. Giving thanks leaves room for us to see the goodness of God. I find that every time I do my best to give thanks The Lord will show me how He is being faithful to me in that moment. That overwhelming feeling of need comes into perspective and I am better able to surrender to God. I am always humbled when friends will message to tell me they have been praying for me. Because here's the truth, Often I have not had the mental capacity to even send out a prayer request, but God knew. He saw my need and He placed me inside of my friends hearts and minds. Even if they do nothing else, but tell me they are praying for me, my heart grows so encouraged and I feel so blessed and seen by God. It's important for us to know we are loved, especially when life is hard.

4. If God brings someone to your mind, REACH out, pray for them!

I know, I know, you're here because life is overwhelming and you need help, but do not underestimate the power of obedience. We truly do not always realize the power of a phone call or text. That simple act, "The Lord brought you to my mind, I don't know how you're doing..." You never know if this person has been asking God to send them a sign of His love, or they've been praying for who they are supposed to help and your message may be the answer to that prayer. I try my very best to message people as soon as The Lord brings them to my mind, and if I don't, I always pray. There is a reason why this person came to your mind. Be obedient.

I know it's very humbling to find yourself on the receiving end, but just remember it is BLESSING for your people to come alongside you. We were made for community. Do not do life alone. I truly believe God has your people for this season. If you're still wondering, who your people are, or how to make authentic friendships, you can find some help here and you can find Jennie Allen's book Find your people, where she goes more in depth on the process.

It is my sincerest prayer you will find hope in todays post. If you need prayer, please reach out. If you need motivation on taking that leap of faith to ask for help, send me a message, we can brainstorm together. You don't have to go through life alone!

Have a beautiful week, and may Gods love and favor be upon you, even when life feels uncertain, and difficult. As always if you have found this helpful, encouraging would you let know in the comments, not only is this helpful for me as I write, it will also be helpful to others who are needing hope and help in this season too.

Further Scripture study: Psalms 121, Matthew 26, Luke 22:39-46, 2 Corinthians 12:9-12

You can find more hope here 3 simple and practical ways for walking through grief. My prayer is this would serve as tangible hope for you as you continue to navigate life.