How to find your voice again, life after death

Finding your voice after death, and hardships can be so difficult, it is my prayer you will receive practical help as you navigate life here.

We were just kids leaving the only home we knew, but we had each other and that's all that mattered. My daddy and Mama loaded us all up and we took off for the great state of Texas. Nothing could have prepared us for the beauty, oh the beauty we have found in this grand state, the husband I would meet, the five children we would have, and the depths of pain, the trials, death and loss we would have to walk through only a short year later. I was 15, he was 12, and he would say, "sing it for me, the one song about a thousand miles..." we would sing, the three of us, my younger sister right in the middle of my little brother and I.

"Making my way downtown walking fast
Faces pass and I'm home bound
Staring blankly ahead just making my way
Making a way through the crowd

And I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder

If I could fall into the sky
Do you think time would pass me by?
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you tonight. By Vanessa Carlton.

And on and on it would go. There are not very many memories I remember of our younger years, but this is one that is seared in my mind forever. This and swinging on the tire swing at the park days before he passed. A carefree time. Even in turmoil we found beauty and joy and laughter.

After my first little brother died it felt like I died too. It's a strange feeling. The person who was doesn't exist anymore. She is but a memory. All is not lost though. It may take months or years for you to find your voice. Your footing. Learning to navigate life after loss is painful, difficult and sometimes very lonely. I stepped into Church a year after he had died. I was 18 now. Newly married. Trying my best to live for God now that He had called me out of darkness into His eternal life and light. They were singing on Sunday morning. I heard myself begin to worship. As I did a flood of tears poured out from me. I hadn't realized how much I had missed singing. I didn't know how many emotions it would all bring back. I didn't know that God would use this act of sacrifice to heal me.

Like the depths of the ocean, washing over me, cleansing me from years of pain, and depths of sorrow no person should ever have to walk through. There is something so sacred and Holy, the acknowledging we cannot heal ourselves. We cannot just will ourselves to no longer be sad, to no longer remember, to no longer hurt. I tried. Well, here's the truth, you can try your best to forget the ones you loved, pretend like they never existed and maybe then your pain will not be as profound, at least that's what we tell ourselves, and for many this is what they do. Build bigger walls. Stronger fortresses, to keep pain out. It will not work.

We were created for one another. We have been knit together in love. The tears that you have wept, will weep over the ones you love, over the life you lost, are precious unto The Lord. They will not be wasted. These beautiful tears are proof of the love you had for the one you love. Do not be ashamed of these tears and do not wish them away, one day they will be fewer but it will not be because you love less, it will be because the love of Jesus, the sweet memories He brings to your mind of their life on earth, will engulf the gaping hole their absence left.

Our Father is a bridge builder. Bridging the gap from ourselves to Him through His son Jesus. Showing us the depths of our need through His sons sacrifice on the cross. Do not despise your need. We were made for dependency upon The One who created us. It is not to our dismay but for our good and for His glory.

The reason for my hope and joy.

I've lost track of how many times in the decades since I've lost my brother I have been asked in wonder, "How do you have so much joy?" "How were you able to walk through such hard seasons in your life and you're still smiling"? "How are you able to find joy?" "How do you walk in peace after trauma?"

My answer will always be Jesus. The whole of our existence is found in Him. He is the author and the perfector of Our faith. Apart from Him I can do nothing. I have simply taken Him at His word. I want you to take Him at His Word too. I don't know how long it will take. There is no set time. But let Him heal you. Whatever that healing may look like. He longs to bind up your broken wounds, your shattered heart. We don't have to go through the loss of a loved one to experience heartbreak, simply living we will encounter pain. The Lord is near.

In my weakest most vulnerable moments when The Lord feels a million miles away, and the silence feels crushing, I grab my bible, and I recite back what has been hidden in me. Here you will find practical ways for when life is hard, a simple guide. It is vital to our walk as believers that we root and ground ourselves to The One who is able to save our souls. I cannot emphasis this enough, when life feels easy and care free, read your bible, spend time in His Presence, get to know The Lord. Seek Him wholeheartedly, this is the foundation we will stand on when life gets hard.

Like David I encourage myself in The Lord,

Psalms 103:

Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name.

² Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits:

³ Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;

⁴ Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;

⁵ Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's.

⁶ The Lord executeth righteousness and judgment for all that are oppressed.

Brandon Lake has a beautiful song, Gratitude. I love to sing this song out when my soul is having a hard time.

Sister, in this world, we will have trouble, but TAKE HEART, The Lord Jesus says," I have overcome the world."

³³ “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Sing your way back.

I'm now 37 years old. In many ways I still feel like that 17 year old girl. It doesn't seem like decades have passed. I stand in awe of God's faithfulness and kindness to me. A very broken young lady, desperate to get it right. "If I can just do things correctly, I won't get hurt." I still have to fight against this lie. Even as I share with you, I haven't arrived sister. I am still here, learning right alongside you. What I can tell you, is that I am not the same. Not only because I've tasted of deaths bitter drink, but because Christ has set my feet on His firm foundation. Because I found a love that is far reaching, a love that takes me into the secret Holy of Holies. Beyond the veil. The hope I had been so desperate for, the joy and love I had always wanted were always found in the person of Christ.

Sister, no matter how much we loose in this life, He will never be taken from us. Lean in close, this is the good news of the gospel. I share this with you through sobs of gratitude and sorrow. How the two can co-exist is beyond my comprehension, but I know that they can. Because I cannot make sense of the joy that fills my heart even in hardship and loss.

His Word tells us,

"...4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be apparent to all. The Lord is near.

6Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think on these things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me, put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 4:4-9

The God of peace will be with you.

Take Him at His Word.

Lets take Him at His Word. When I read a promise like the one above I hold onto it. I mediate on it. I ask Him to make these promises alive in me. When my life doesn't reflect the truth of these promises I come to Him, vulnerable, "Father, your Word says, Christ has come to give me life, a life that is abundant. My life doesn't feel abundant Lord, please teach me your ways. Help me to walk in the abundance Christ has promised us in His Word."

This simple prayer radically transformed my life.

I don't hold all the answers sister, but I know The One who does. I can tell you, He enters into our lives, loves us just as we are, a broken, messy life, but He will not leave us this way. He will draw us to Himself and the closer we walk with Him the more we will look of those who have spent time in the Presence of Our Shepherd King. His fragrance will become our own. The One who was crushed for us, a man acquainted with grief and sorrow, He has bore in His body of death our pain, our sin, our failures, everything that threatens to swallow us whole, He has already overcome. Because He overcame, we too are named, more than conquerors! Not because of what we have done. But His finished work at the cross forever bought us from the very grips of hell and death. So that death will never be the end of our story. If you are in Christ death is only the doorway the leads us into life anew, eternal, everlasting, endless praise. For the believer, death is not the end. It truly is, I will see you later.

Most days you can find me singing through our home. Gathering beautiful flowers to display His beauty and splendor and enjoying a sweet treat with my little girls when they are not prancing through the halls of our home in their ballet slippers. Asking Mama to sing one more song as we set our tea party, because Sally Clarkson so encouraged my heart to lavish my little ones when I am weary and they in need of a nap, sometimes dessert is just what we need. This is true for the teenagers too.

Our songs saturate the walls in our home with praise. We go out and sing with the trees and flowers. Anything from "The hills are alive with the sound of music..." to one of my favorites Steffany Gretzsinger, "As the deer panteth for the waters so my soul longeth after thee." Especially on hard days, and difficult moments there is nothing that grounds my heart like singing out to The Lord. Sister, it doesn't matter how on key you can sing, what matters is that you do it. There is something so beautiful and sacred that happens when we lift up our voices in song to the One who made us. The One who formed us. The One who gave us this ability.

"The Lord is enthroned upon the praises of His people." Psalms 22:3

Research shows singing is healing. Singing activates all the parts of our brains. Increasing neuropathways, enhancing the connection between multiple regions of our brains and bringing healing to us in a way only Our Creator could have designed. Neuroplasticity. Malleable, the brain can be changed, renewed, transformed! I'm telling you, its like the super power we didn't know we had. Singing reinforces what we long to remember in our brains, in our hearts, in our spirits.

Practical application:

This week, practice singing out. If you're not used to singing, start out small, Esther Mui sings the scriptures, this would be a great place to start. Singing also calms our nervous system down. It is a gift.

I think of King David, the psalmist singing to God, drawing His affections back to the Lord in the midst of a loud, violent and chaotic world. Singing roots and grounds us back to Our Savior King, releasing unto Him what is rightfully His.

Singing unto The Lord is like the flowers of the field bursting forth in all their glory and splendor. As if we are saying, I return to you the breath you have given to me. I take what you've placed within me to bless you Lord.

Yessi Argabright

This one life that we have been given to live will be more painful than we ever imagined it could be, but it will also be infinitely more beautiful as we walk with God, because He has told us, O sister He has said, "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." Even in the midst of grief we can experience Gods unfailing love and His mercy that is new every single morning.

We need this truth deep in our hearts. I'm praying for you this week, that as you read your soul would be encouraged to trust fully in The Lord. That you would find hope and healing here. Because He is good and faithful.

I would love to hear from you, if these words blessed you, encouraged you, would you let me know. I am so thankful you're here. I hope you'll find value here, consider subscribing and share with others the same hope that has been given to you.

Many blessings and love, and Fathers hope for today. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Dig deeper: Psalms 18,Psalms 22:3, John 15, John 16:33, Romans 12:1-2

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