How to hope and love again, when life is hard

Why is it so difficult to hope and love again after we have lost?

Going through loss is painful, it's absolutely life altering. Fear is very real.

It can be a gift from Father.

The fear of The Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

The fear I am speaking about is the one that paralyzes us, causes us to overthink. The one Father says over and over to not operate from that place, that fear.

The fear that cost the Israelites the promise land the first time. When they saw the giants in the land and felt like grasshoppers before them. That fear.

The one that says, God has brought us out here to kill us. It would have been better if we had stayed in Egypt.

Fear clouds our vision and makes it difficult to move forward from a place of faith, or give ourselves fully to the ones we love, because we are afraid of what we do not yet know. Of what we cannot see.

The spiraling thoughts in my mind, the anxiety that arises when I least expect it. Leave me feeling vulnerable and scared at times.

I am never ashamed when these emotions arise. I bring them before The Lord. He knows our frame sister. He sees our struggle and He invites us in.

Yet even in this place of fear we have an opportunity to lean into God. I have been here many times before, so out of the depths of my heart I cry out to The Lord, for His love to overshadow my fear, the worries and anxieties that want to swallow me whole.

Learning to navigate a life that is hard and sometimes filled with deep grief:

Learning to navigate grief is difficult, but not impossible. Help is here.

Sweet videos of my daddy start popping up on my phone around this time of the year as his birthday is just around the corner. They take my breath away.

After loss we shield ourselves or build up walls to protect. We say things like, "I will never allow myself to love this way again...".

We may even cry out, I don't want to feel this way.

These pictures of my dad fill me with joy and sadness as the reality sets in all over again. It is a strange thing to forget for a split second that he is gone.

Storytime:

For so many years of my life I lived in a bubble of control.

I showed up at the counselors office. A young mama of two, running behind, anxious, angry and frustrated with my family for making me late.

Why did my husband not leave sooner, we got caught in traffic and now I was late. Would the counselor even see me? I walked into her office on the verge of a panic attack. I had no idea that this set back as I saw it would allow my therapist to see into the depths of what I had been living in.

She sat me down, told me to take a deep breath. I was here now. Why are you so upset, she asked me.

Why? Didn't she understand? I was late. I didn't honor her time. She smiled a kind smiled and reassured me it was okay. What she wanted to know is where this overwhelm had come from.

My desire to show up on time. It went beyond just wanting to be courteous. It was one of the effects of trauma.

One of the hard realities of growing up with a daddy who was a ticking time bomb for most of my life. I learned from a young age that I didn't want to upset my dad. I wanted to keep him happy, though I rarely knew what would set him off.

This created patterns of codependency and obsessive compulsivity in me, perfectionism. "If I can just not mess up then he won't get angry." I don't know that I realized I was doing this and I certainly didn't believe that I was still dealing with the effects of this in my life.

It had been so many years ago. How could something that happened so long ago still have such a hold on me?

Gods love and kindness draw us in

God in His infinite kindness and mercy allowed for me to experience that panic in a very real and transparent way in front of a safe person who would then lead me to the feet of my Savior King.

Because she was led by His Spirit she was able to walk me through the pain, that I might continue to heal. That day taught me so much about the goodness of God.

What I reject, chaos, sometimes is the very door that Father uses to draw us in.

He desires freedom for His people. Freedom is not, "let me shut everyone out and not allow my family to enjoy our home because then they will create a mess and this mess will then send me into anxiety and fret."

The Lord wanted to show me that even when life is chaotic and messy, loud,

His Peace is a gift of His spirit, it is not dependent on the externals that are happening in my life, or how clean my home is.

While it is true that we are able to think more clearly when our homes are tidy, it is also true I do not have to allow the mess to rob me of my life and neither do you, sister.

I am actively working on the home series portion of this blog. You can find some of those fun videos on Facebook, as I'm still having tech difficulties editing for Youtube. Pray for me will you?

The Lord sits with us in the mess.

Sister, when we are in grief it is weighty and burdensome, there are not many who will enter into these broken places with us.

I am not afraid to enter into the brokenness of another because The Lord does it for me all the time and it is His courage I draw from.

I am praying God will bring women into your life who will sit with you as you journey through life. Women who will hold your head up when life is overwhelming.

Women who will remind you of Gods truth even as they bring you a meal to help you nourish your body as you continue to heal.

& Sister, that one day, this will be you! Because Father heals and restores us but it is never just for us. It is for the healing of the whole body, His Church. We all benefit.

What Jesus taught me through His own life:

He has taught me through His own life that to bear the burden of another is not to take it as my own but to literally bring it before Him. I grab a hold of the weight, only long enough to drop it at the feet of Jesus.

I ran into the prayer closet several months back, my body was hurting. My shoulders felt like I was carrying massive boulders. I was in a lot of pain. Out of my despair I cried out to God.

Lord what am I carrying? Why does it feel like I am holding massive boulders Father?

Immediately two names came to mind. One of my children and the other a family member.

I began to sob. Oh God, I knew it to be true. Through tears I asked Him to please take these from me. I told Him I was sorry for trying to carry them on my own. "I am not strong enough Lord and its hurting me, please help."

Over the course of the next couple of days I would continue to experience relief of the extreme shoulder pain I was in.

What are the worries, concerns, people you are carrying around?

What is weighing you down?

Sister, there is much we carry on a regular basis but sometimes we are carrying what He has not asked us to.

I want to invite you to ask Holy Spirit to show you if you are holding onto something that you ought not to. Burdens He desires to carry for you. I want for Father to give you the faith to believe that He will reveal to you as He has for me.

Hope takes courage

Because believing He will fill us with hope takes courage. A courage that only He can provide.

Even the faith to ask will have to come from Him, and I fully believe that if you ask Him He will provide it, because it aligns with His will for our lives.

Isaiah 61 is filled with verses I call the great exchange, He takes our deep pain and brokenness and He gives us His beauty and His life.

"61 The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,^[a]
2 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
³     and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor."

"We will be called oaks of righteousness a planting of The Lord, for the display of His splendor."

When God gives us His faith

My little guy was four years old when we picked up his baby sister from the NICU, 9 long days. It felt like death when we didn't bring her home right away.

She had done so well.

The Lord had miraculously healed her of Holoprosencephaly at birth. She had been born strong enough for brain surgery like The Lord had showed me, "she will come out kicking and screaming and the Dr. will exclaim how strong she is." it happened.

At three days old she had a vp shunt placed to help her brain drain all of the excess spinal fluid that had no where to go because of a narrowing in her valve.

An extreme case of hydrocephalus we were told, but The Lord had said, "this would not define her."

We saw the images and read the reports, spoke with specialist, in the days before roe vs. wade was overturned.

Five times we would be asked to consider terminating her life. Like I hadn't grown her inside of me for 20 weeks and held her in my heart for years before.

This precious promise God had given. A life is not mine to take.

Jacob calls out from the back seat, "Now we just need my baby brother..." My husband responded, "Uh, I don't think so bud."

We looked at each other, what we had just endured the last 20 weeks was gut wrenching.

I smiled and like Mary the mother of Jesus, I held these words in my heart.

Over the course of the next few months The Lord would bring his words to my mind. I sat with The Lord and asked Him if He had more children for us?

I felt in my spirit He was saying He did.

And so I prayed, "Lord I only ask that you would give us love for this child now, Father from before I know this darling baby, let me love this baby now and Father please help us to not fear."

Whenever we experience loss of any kind the reality that something or someone can be taken is very difficult to come to terms with and because we are human once again our tendency is to protect ourselves from ever having to experience pain again.

The Lord knows this, and in His kindness He invites us to hope again.

We have welcomed home two more babies since we had our darling girl.

We adore her, and I give praise to Father she came when she did.

Every single child has brought within themselves a gift Father would use to further heal our family.

To lavishly pour His love on me. To show me the depths of His love.

There is nothing quite like the freedom and love children can bring. Even in hardship.

Are they messy and loud, and have bigger emotions than I could have ever imagined? You bet.

But they are also incredible image bearers who love their parents fiercely. Especially those little babies.

There was no one in my life who rejoiced more fully over my children like my daddy. He adored his grandbabies and it is because of Gods mercy and love that my daddy grew to know and love The Lord.

The last decade and some of my daddy's life was beautiful and rich. It was as if God had given me my daddy back. The man God had always known. So full of love.

I miss him so much, but rejoice greatly that Father God gave him victory over death!

I will see him again. & God will continue to meet me in the wrestling. Because I believe with all of me that Christ Jesus is worthy of everything.

Of my living. Of my dying. Of all that I am. All that I have. Even my empty hands. He is worthy.

The Lord has good instore for His people, will we believe Him? Will you believe alongside me that this life can be beautiful?

I think of the Lilys of the field, He says "Not even Solomon in all of his splendor was arrayed as one of these."

I want to invite you to delight yourself in The Lord and to trust alongside me that He will bring forth the desires of our heart.

What I have come to believe and see is that the more we yield our lives to His, the more His desires become our own.

Truly, no longer it is I who lives, but Christ in me, the hope of glory.

In the hands of The Potter we are loved and safe. Will there be crushing and breaking down, pain and loss?

Yes.

But also beauty, so much beauty.

It is my hope to share with you the beauty Father can bring. Some of the most joyful people I know are the ones who have walked through the most challenging and difficult of seasons.

The love of The Lord is evident in their lives, and it is because Christ has done it that none may boast.

They have chosen to yield their lives into the hands of One who is greater and knows all. They have tasted of His goodness, and He has proven Himself faithful again and again even in loss.

Practical steps:

The brain is beautiful and powerful, but it must also yield to The One who created it, I am convinced that the more time we spend in the pages of His Word and in His presence The more He will renew and rewire our brains.

I have experienced this truth in my own life. I have seen the devastating effects of trauma.

Understanding how the brain snips off synapsis that it finds unnecessary is hard, especially if I did actually need those.

But God, He is merciful. He has also created our brains in such a way that even when there are portions missing, the brain will create new pathways, this is called neuroplasticity.

I believed it first in the pages of His Word and then I saw it with our own little girl through therapy.

It absolutely astonished me. God had been saying all along what science could now prove, the brain is malleable. It can in fact heal and repair itself.

When you are tempted to tear yourself down, to speak badly to yourself, I want you to stop and not partner with those thoughts, because The Lord doesn't have those thoughts about you.

Proverbs 18:21 tells us death and life are in the power of the tongue and those who love it will eat of its fruits.

Let's ask The Lord to help us to speak life over ourselves, no matter what we are walking through.

Our brains will believe what we speak!

When all seems bleak and lost, and you wonder if you will ever be able to love again, to hope again, open the pages of His Word, read His promises, speak those out and see if your outlook doesn't change.

While our circumstances may not for a long time, The Lord has life for us in this place.

Closing prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father, I ask you in the name of Jesus to fill us with hope and love, with expectation that you are in fact longing to draw us ever closer. Help us to see you in our everyday lives.

Help us to trust in you, to believe you. Draw us to yourself Father, hold us closely, reveal your mercy and faithfulness today, In the Name of Jesus Our Lord and Savior we pray, Amen.

I want to thank you so much for being here. For reading. It means so much to me to be able to share with you the hope that continues to see me through. I don't want to be afraid to love, and I know you don't either!

Lets trust together He has good in store.

Resources:

These are some resources that continue to help me, just click the highlighted word to be taken to the page for more information and to find a class near you.

Grief Share. There are so many local churches that offer this wonderful 8-12 weekly class.

Worthy of Everything a love song back to God. This song has absolutely wrecked my heart this week. I am so thankful for the people who continue to pour out their praise, love and devotion to God.

Friendships. We need people in our lives. We cannot do life alone. Please hear me, life is so much better with the people God has for us. Believing in Faith The Lord will use some of these practices to bring you your people.

Jamie Winship. He has been such an encouragement to me in this healing season. A giver of hope.

As always I love hearing from you! Please share with someone you know who needs to hear this message, and leave me a comment it helps get these messages of hope out to those who need them most. Grateful you're here. Many blessings and love as you continue to navigate life with The Lord.

Further scripture reading: Psalms 34, Proverbs 9:10-12, 18:21, Isaiah 61